Tuesday, 26 July 2011

Death - the final curtain? Celebrating nature's gift in the heart of life...

Part Two - Nature's Gift
In order to awaken to the remarkable gift bestowed at Jasper's passing, I must rewind the clock some five months to a time when I first believed he was ready to exit this world. The familiar tightening around my heart, sickness in the solar plexus, for a dozen or so years forgotten, returned with alarming intensity. As fast as my heart softened as I held him, it would close in fear when I contemplated his loss.

Then in the early hours of one spring morning I awoke to the words 'cosmic midwifery'. It was a turning point in my life, and his. 'Cosmic midwifery' is a term I became familiar with through the work of Lyssa Royal Holt and relates to 'Arcturan' consciousness; a group consciousness that facilitates ease of transition from one way of being to another, as in birth/death or vice versa. Arcturus is also a consciousness I have particular resonance with.

These two simple words had the effect of shifting me from one way of being to another. Instead of seeing his depleted physical form I energised his light, the part of him that never dies. Within two days he was back to his normal self, and I was a completely different person. What a privilege it was to be able to see and feel his light, his soul, whilst he was still incarnate within physical form; it was pure joy to embrace, evolving into a way of life I carry forward to this day.

Normal life continued for a few months, so normal in fact that his voice returned to full fettle. At times this would drive me nuts, as whenever he was awake he would 'squawk' at me - incessantly! Then one day he stopped. He became quiet and withdrawn, barely eating or drinking. What I wouldn't have given to hear his voice once again.

Following a visit to the vets, where he was given fluids for two days, his (almost) normal self returned - as well as his squeak. I have never felt so grateful for anything, it seems, in my life. And so his last few days on planet earth really were very special. All of us lived and appreciated each moment we shared as if it were our last.

As his physical form became weaker and weaker the light of his soul grew stronger. It was a tangible presence, one I could feel to such depth it became more real than the body I nurtured within my arms. He felt it too. He purred quietly, deeply, his breath so slow it barely disturbed the surrounding air.

On the morning of his passing, together with Jonty, we sat in meditation. I chanted quietly the sacred mantra of the great Buddha of Compassion, Om Mani Padme Hum, tears streaming down my face. We breathed and purred as one, the tears evoking such depth and expansion within my heart, they seemed to contain all meetings and partings throughout time. It ceased to be about me and him. All was light, all was love; no meetings, no partings, just All.

I held his head gently, chanting softly in his ear, as his body slowly slipped away. He went straight into the light, a simple merging with the presence that had been the guiding star within our lives for what seemed like an eternity. There were no tears, just light; endless light.

After he'd gone I sat within the presence, absorbing its light. I cried, I smiled, I loved. It is two weeks since he left and, even now, I feel his heart to heart hug tangibly around, and within my body, far more than when he had been alive. It instils profound peace, quiet inner joy and stillness. There is no loss, for how can I loose that which I am?

Jasper was a 'healing' cat. Throughout his life he held the energy for us all in his own unique and intuitive way; his divine presence being made evident during the months prior to his death. I know the greatest gift I bestowed upon him was to acknowledge this; to know his true self. It returns a thousand fold to grace each moment of my days with profound appreciation.

Realising the Gift
All of this would be reward enough in itself, however the gift of Jasper's passing extends way beyond the individuals within this story. It awakens understanding of the great gift nature herself bestows.

Endless Light
As I reflect upon my life, the animals who have shared it, and the timeliness of their presence, I see a pattern of cosmic ordering emerging.

Until Buster, all my animals were less than four years old when they died. Ben, a beautiful persian, whom I loved with all my heart, was run over 2 mths after I lost my mother. I was heart broken and shed more tears for him than I did for her, even though we were extremely close. I believe this was why he sacrificed his life - that I might truly grieve, for her.

Buster marked a turning point in my life, was my first dog, and arrived immediately in the wake of loosing Ben. He was the largest in the litter and the first to be chosen, only they never showed up. It was clear he had been 'waiting' for me - he was four months old when we met. Buster opened new doorways, became my best friend, and in time helped to heal the wounds of loss forged so deep within my being. Four years later two little kittens arrived...

And so we come full circle. We reach the point where all that was lost is found, where all that was separate is whole and where the magic of nature's gift weaves its way into all that is human existence.

Throughout life there are many births and an equal number of deaths yet we only seem to take note of two: birth into physical form and its subsequent demise. At what point did I die as a teenager and become an adult? When did Jasper cease to be a catcher of mice? or Buster a playful puppy? At what point in time - precisely - did these events occur?

Just like watching a movie, they all merge into one continuous stream of consciousness that is the entirety of one life, with only the beginning and end being apparently definable. Jasper's legacy has enabled me to experience all beings mentioned within this article as momentary expressions of an even greater life. They lived and loved, and died until at last resoundingTruth is recognised. No birth, no death - only life; One life.

'Celebrating nature's gift in the heart of life' lies in, quite simply, 'being' that greater life. And when you are, there really is nothing else to do... other than celebrate...

And so... life goes on...
Do I miss him?... yes I do.... it's all part of the richness of life, well lived....

Copyright ©Barbara Rose 2011

Tuesday, 19 July 2011

Death - the final curtain? Celebrating nature's gift in the heart of life...

Part One - Celebration of life well lived
There is a well known story which begins with the words: 'what can you say about a twenty-five year old girl who died?...' Eric Segal. This story begins in a like fashion with only the subject matter being somewhat different - 'what can you say about an eighteen year old feline friend who died?'

Some might say that at 18+, roughly 91 human years, death was inevitable and he had had a very good innings. However life (and death) really isn't quite that simple, for whenever the 'final curtain' is drawn, whatever the circumstances, the sense of loss is still the same; devastating, irreconcilable.  Throughout my life death has made its presence felt on a number of occasions. You would think over time the suffering incurred would reduce in its intensity but this has not, up to now, been my experience. Jasper's passing, however, has been somewhat different.

Jasper - 8wks
He entered my life when he was just six weeks old after I made the grave mistake of going to see a friends newly born kittens (I didn't have any intention of increasing my furry family at the time).

He was the largest in the litter and always rushed to greet me when I arrived; a right little character from the outset. It took me a while to notice, as Jasper inevitably commanded my attention, but another little kitten showed equal enthusiasm with each visit; an unobtrusive female whom I subsequently christened 'Jess'. 

Two furry beings had found their way into my heart and my life. How this would pan out I'd no idea as I shared my home with one other furry being; Buster, a four year old collie/lab cross, who I hadn't even consulted about the latest additions!

Jess - 8wks
The kittens were so tiny their combined size amounted to less than Buster's head. I just had to trust all would be well, so I set the kittens on the kitchen floor, ignored them, and made a fuss of the dog. After a while he went for a sniff only to be spat at by Jess. In true dog fashion he ran straight to his bed, gave me a questioning look, and clearly wondered what on earth he'd done to deserve such a welcome.

After that they became firm friends with Jasper soon to take on the role as head of the house, including the provision of our 'daily bread'. There followed 12 happy years (until Buster died) where we all rattled along quite nicely, with all three of my furry friends offering quite unique and complementary gifts.

Buster - 14yrs

Buster (that's another story) was my trusted friend, companion and fellow traveller who accompanied me virtually every place I went. He needed plenty of exercise so weekends were spent climbing mountains in the English Lake District - his first and last being Blencathra (my favorite) just outside Keswick. Now his ashes dance with the elements and his soul runs free amongst the fells.

Jasper and Jess were as different as chalk and cheese. Where he was confident, expressive and very true to his feline nature; she was quiet, gentle and fond of her own company. In all her 18 years I can count on the fingers of one hand the number of creatures she has sent to their maker; with Jasper it was a five times daily occurrence!

Heart to heart hugs

Should he have had a tombstone, Jasper's epitaph would include these few simple words, 'He lived life to the full'. Everything he did, he undertook with his whole being; he could purr for England, held meaningful conversations, was totally fearless, fought and caught, played me off to a tee and best of all he gave the most loving heart to heart hugs. He would deliberately go outside when it was chucking it down with rain just so he could be towel dried in my arms when he returned; the look on his face was pure bliss and his inner engine vibrated to such depth, its a wonder the whole world didn't still to listen - maybe it did?

Jonty - 10wks
Butter wouldn't melt in his mouth!
18 months after Buster died, a beam of radiant joy entered our lives in the form of a cavalier king charles spaniel - Jonty Sunbeam Spirit - Walker ('Spirit-Walker' was the name of the kennels). He is now four years old and I could already fill a book with his antics! However, I will stick to Jasper, and suffice it to say they became bosom buddies; a right double act, I can tell you. They were even colour co-ordinated - a purrfect match!

Bosom Buddies

Jonty made it his mission to chase both cats who soon developed their own way of dealing with the mini tornado that had invaded their otherwise tranquil lives; Jess would retreat immediately to the top of the kitchen units and join in from a strategically safe position, Jasper would quite simply whack him into place with a very well placed paw - not that it ever deterred Jonty, to him it was all part of the fun. I think Jasper saw it like that too, he was completely non-phased by all of it.

Feeding time was always interesting as Jonty considered anything placed on the floor to be his, quite rightly so! thus cat food was placed on the kitchen worktop well out of reach. Or so I thought? Many a time I would enter the kitchen in the morning to find a spotlessly clean cat bowl lying on the floor. This puzzled me for a while, until I spotted Jasper generously sharing his dinner by knocking the bowl into the reach of a very grateful little dog! Sharing of food as you can see from the video below, was well reciprocated, not only did Jonty allow Jasper to steal his food, he wagged his tail in appreciation!

Feeding time
And so we come to the parting of the ways and the reason for writing this blog. Why has the demise of this very special friend been so different that it has inspired me to share his story a mere three days after his passing?

to be continued...
Copyright ©Barbara Rose 2011

Monday, 18 July 2011

Into the Void - from Chaos to Clarity: pt3

Group Initiation
During an esoteric astrology reading it was suggested I meditate upon the position of Jupiter in my progressed chart. I held this as a symbol in the centre of my third eye before I went to sleep, visualising the symbols as brilliant white light.

I had a dream and it was one of chaos. It wasn’t pleasant at all although I didn’t file it under the category of nightmare. Following in a similar vein to the dream in part 1, it also involved a life threatening virus this one being quite alien; very slug like about 3” long, light in colour, kind of shiny but not slimy, emitting an unfamiliar but somehow attractive glow that stimulated curiosity in its potential victims. Parasitic in nature it entered the host through direct physical contact and remained until the carrier was annihilated. Two people fell as victims to the assault resulting in dramatically altered behavioural patterns prior to their rapid and untimely deaths. I was a physical body in the dream, had identity and played my part within it, but I was also witnessing consciousness. A beach scene in a foreign land came into it at some point towards the end. I didn’t think the virus was connected with it but I was still left with a sense of chaos and destruction.

I woke quite naturally and lie dozing for a while neither awake nor asleep. I brought into mind the symbol, held it there, and then let it go. Before long an image appeared so vivid I see it clearly, even now.

Stillness Speaks
Aligned with 'Inclusiveness'
The landscape was somewhat alien in appearance, quite dark and barren. I had a sense it lay at the very edge of the universe. Upon the land and stretching almost as far as the eye could see was an army of figures. They were human beings but the term ‘figures’ is a far more apt description for they held no distinguishing features, they were of uniform height and form, grey in colour with not a shred of clothing worn between them.

A throng of clay marionettes, benign ‘cyber men’, benevolent ‘borg’ each and every one standing as one being awaiting the natural outcome of events that had been bearing fruit since the beginning of time. And filling the entire panorama, casting shafts of radiant light upon the expectant faces of those at the centre of the entourage, sat a joyous, vibrant and incandescent spiritual sun, glowing in resplendent glory of divine emanation.

There was an air of patient anticipation, surrender, acceptance where not a sound was heard, where not a single outpouring of breath disturbed the air, where not even a stray thought could distort the quiet inevitability of this profound and momentous occasion. This was an invitation, an initiation. A group soul, comprising the consciousnesses of many individuals united in purpose, had arrived at a consummate stage in evolution where they may move forward, as a group, in divine service. From this point forward individual motivation would be expressed only so far as it served the purpose of the group as an outpouring of Divine Will.

Although my physical body was amongst those who stood and faced the light, there was no individual consciousness not even witnessing consciousness. My body was there but I did not know which one of the figures was my body, it really didn’t matter. The predominating awareness was that of the group, the soul; there was no individual ‘me’, in any form, within it. And I sensed within the shadows around the central illuminated group hundreds more waiting, as if the first group initiation facilitated the enabling of more and more groups to be embraced in a similar manner; like a domino effect where once the process had begun it was impossible to stop.

The group was not a group in this physical dimension. Even though physical bodies were evident I felt individual consciousnesses had come together from all over the planet (and beyond). I feel initiation on the subtle planes enables recognition to manifest in this realm where group members know each other on some level and automatically act in accord with group purpose as a fulfilment of the divine plan. Group consciousness and the work in this realm will become more apparent whether these souls meet in physical form or not.

The unfolding of the divine plan ripens in the life of the individual as awareness of group consciousness becomes more apparent in each responsible enactment of divine purpose. The primary task of each individual being to honour the consciousness of the group, the whole, regardless of the task they are undertaking in this physical reality.

to be continued...
Copyright ©Barbara Rose 2011

Thursday, 14 July 2011

Into the Void - from Chaos to Clarity: pt2

Divine Darkness
Visions of Reality
'Divine Darkness'
Over the passed month I have become increasingly aware of a deep and penetrating energy enveloping my aura and physical body as does a perfectly fitting and well worn glove. I feel so at home within its embrace, I completely surrender, allowing the glory of its presence to penetrate the depths of my entire being until I cease to exist. All that remains is deep abiding stillness.

It is here now, filling my body as I write, bringing a gift of such incredible stillness it becomes hard to speak, to find words. I feel it has been travelling a long time and is not of this solar system. It is from… I don’t know where… it is a long, long way away… yet it feels very familiar. And it is so full of love, but not in a way that we know love, it is not even unconditional love; it is so inclusive, so benevolent, so complete - and yet is far more than any of these.

It fills me, a vast womb like presence absorbing the entirety of my being, filling my hara, my centre, to touch my most female aspect. Pregnant, I am at once the mother and the blessed child held in the sacred waters of divine darkness. It is dark, incredibly dark, pitch black and charged with infinite possibilities; the safest and most trusted space where I may disappear and not even know I had gone. It appears dark, even feels dark, but it is not. It is brilliant diamond clear light.

It has waited a long, long time to be able to connect with the energy of this planet, happening only as a result of the change in consciousness of humanity, along with the energetic expansion of mother earth. Natural order is being restored. Vibrations are changing; entities from realms far removed from our own are now able to find resonance with our altered frequencies; before there was discordance, now is entrainment. And with this entrainment all that was lost, long ago forgotten, submerged within the dark annals of the subconscious mind now finds passage to emerge into the cool light of day…

Visions of Reality
'Divine Inspiration'
…a long time ago I set out on a journey. I see a space ship and remember I was an explorer who visited other worlds to observe and study their species; even visiting earth on occasion. My consciousness was, and still is, alien.

But this mission is different. Now my consciousness is more fractured, I have become so immersed in matter over many lifetimes incarnate upon this earth plane, I have forgotten my alien heritage. I struggle to remember the days where every mission, every task undertaken was in service to the whole, the group; where each discovery, each revelation, resulted in ever expanding knowing within the consciousness of this group; where every individual was aware of the very small, but essential, part they played in the machinations of that consciousness and where every individual was also aware they were that consciousness.

And in that forgetting I feel this dark consciousness, as far as planet earth was concerned, had to wait. Nothing could be done it just had to wait. It has held a space for thousands, upon thousands of years, but now the individuals, those who chose to immerse themselves in this world of matter through service to mankind, remember. They remember, and once again they hear the calling of their group: for we are many and each one of us has played our part. All that was lost is found; the many are one.

to be continued...

Copyright ©Barbara Rose 2011

Tuesday, 12 July 2011

Into the Void - from Chaos to Clarity: pt1

A title such as this needs very little introduction, its presence alone inspires curiosity, and in spite of the inevitable fear that arises at the prospect of exploration, it nevertheless offers an enticing invitation to venture into its hidden depths. Emergence into the clear light of day sees the chaotic ramblings of the sub conscious mind, evident during both waking and dream states, seamlessly blend with integrated planes of conscious awareness accomplished during deep meditation. This article is therefore offered as a platform where disparate and apparently unrelated ‘threads’ may weave their way into the rich fabric of unity consciousness.

Daath, the Abyss
During the evening I had watched a TV program where 90% of the earth’s population had been wiped out by a flu virus. In this particular episode one of the key figures caught the virus and survived, her immune system obviously holding natural antibodies to fight the disease. Within the story there is a government virology department operating in a sterile environment working on producing a vaccine for the virus. As the antibodies reside in the lungs the only way they can extract them is via post mortem i.e. from a dead body. They found out about the woman who had survived and were trying to locate her with capture inevitably leading to her ultimate death.

So the images held in my mind before going to sleep were of men in sealed black suits wearing gas masks chasing an ordinary woman, living in a small community of survivors, who happened to hold within her the very thing the authority needed. Added to this was my conscious intention to experience within dream state an understanding of the point of creation and the manifestation of the four kabbalistic worlds.

The Dream
It began in a state of chaos with fear and panic being the over-riding emotions. There was an old house inhabited by the survivors. I was there as a body interacting within the drama as part of the group but I was also consciousness, a watcher, who witnessed it all. A helicopter appeared and government troops poured out. Chaos ensued whilst they searched for the woman. I was part of the chaos but not in a fearful sense, I knew they were not after me and I was safe. This scenario continued for a while as we moved from one place of safety to another within the building and gardens.

The action, unrelated to the scene above, transferred to a space ship not dissimilar to the star ship ‘Enterprise’. I had no physical body and played no part in the proceedings, merely a witnessing consciousness. There was a large window at the front of the ship revealing the depths of space through which we travelled. However the image filling the limits of the window was not of space, although a small ring of distant stars lined the periphery, it was total darkness, pitch black. It wasn’t a black hole it was dark space.

It seemed to hold within it a shape but the shape was so much a part of the space it was impossible to determine its form. I did not perceive it as threatening in any way neither did the ‘crew’ of the ship who seemed poised in alert readiness for whatever may unfold. We all watched and waited…

...then the space began to move… the blackness transformed into a huge eye that opened and gazed benevolently at us… it emanated light; phenomenal, brilliant white, diamond clear light, reflecting all the colours of the rainbow; filling the confines of the window through which we watched. I felt a door had been opened. The dark space was a door, a gateway through which the Eye may emanate its light.

The outpouring of light threw the crew into action and commands were issued to close the shutters on the window. They believed they must avoid gazing at the light for it would cause blindness, madness and ultimately destroy them. So the shutters were closed. My witnessing consciousness moved to a radar operator who was adjusting joysticks that manoeuvred cross hairs into position upon a target; the target being the ‘eye’. “We have to kill it. We have to destroy the eye. It is responsible for all the chaos we experience on earth.”

I knew the truth lying behind the words being spoken but it was not in the way the ‘crew’ of the ship interpreted it. I also knew they could not destroy the Eye. Not only would they be destroying themselves but the Eye is All Knowing, All Seeing, All Being. It cannot be destroyed unless the Eye wills it.

Visions of Reality
I allowed the dream to permeate my being. Feeling very humbled by the experience, I realised I had been given a taste of ‘Daath’ the hidden sphere in the Tree of Life, also known as ‘the Abyss’ or ‘Great Void’. Even now as I relive these events I feel my eyes fill with the sanctity of this wondrous space, this Great Void. I know it to be a gateway to God.

The point of creation, as described in the kabbalah, is the point at which Ain Sof (God), contracts into itself. This contraction leaves behind a void, an empty space, into which Ain Sof may emanate its light; thus creating existence. I realise that first space is Daath, with the eye being the ‘Eye of Providence’ a symbol of Daath. My dream revealed the first point of creation. The dark space, the Great Void, the opening of the ‘Eye’, the emanation of pure white light into the void, were all pre-eminent stages in this creative process. My request prior to falling asleep had been granted; chaos had opened the door to knowing - inner knowing.

to be continued...

Copyright ©Barbara Rose 2011

Wednesday, 6 July 2011

Ponder the Profound... Who Am I?

If thought were a prayer and mind the conveyor
Then who am I, director or player?

Perhaps I am both, are they one and the same?
Each of them parts I play in a game...

And what of this void? This place between thought
Where all things fill a space that is naught...

Is it the pause between beats of my heart
Stillness that speaks when worlds fall apart,
Or silence that rests in the space between words?

The sound of the sea, the call of the birds
The cry of a child that longs to be heard...
Am I all of these things, perhaps even none?

And if I am the product of thought turned to form...
Am I also the void from which it was born?

From the book 'Visions of Reality: Art of Synthesis' by Barbara Rose
Copyright ©Barbara Rose 2010