Monday, 29 August 2011

Why am I here?

In order to answer this most elusive question I feel I must perhaps, pose another - ‘Who am I?’

Surely I must first ascertain the identity of this ‘I’ before attempting to discover its reason for being here? In ancient Atlantis the inventor of writing, Thoth the Atlantean, journeyed for aeons to the depths of his being in order to solve this mystery of mysteries. Seekers, including great teachers from all religions and walks of life, throughout time, have sought answer to this most basic enquiry. 

Now I must follow in their footsteps and journey to the far reaches of my own experience. I must probe the dark corners of my mind, swim in the murky waters of my heart, face my own worst nightmares; in short I have to ‘boldly go where no man (or woman) has gone before’. 
I will not find answers in the words of others, even from the wisest of teachers. No, my only recourse is to turn within and search through the doorways of my own existence until the light of truth emerges from my innermost being to illuminate the subject of my quest.
Mystic Union
In standing alone, naked in the thrust of self enquiry, I find there is no self and as a consequence there is no other; all is within, inside me. I don’t feel love. I don’t feel pain. I don’t feel loss or separation. I am all of these things. How can I feel that which I already am? I can only feel that which I am not.

The Question

When I turn within to explore the space from which aspects of self take form, I find there is no form. There is simply vast empty space; a space that holds the entirety of my existence, all existence. It is a giant, joyful wave that carries me from one moment to the next embracing all in its path. All my wants, desires, needs, feelings, thoughts dissolve into this vast ocean of consummate perfection.

And in a moment of profound, pure awareness a question is born, a thought-form cast from within the great void upon the mirror of my mind: ‘Why am I here?’ It hangs suspended, like a water droplet, apparently frozen in time, seeking substance until time itself releases it once more unto the void. For a while it rests within the great ocean of infinite possibilities until the next wave throws it once more onto the surface of my mind, ‘Why am I here?’ Lazy tendrils of enquiry seek dark recesses in my concrete mind for an answer, even finding some resolution, but once again I let go, the droplet having no more substance is again released; all is still.    

 ...and then another thought, larger and more substantial than before, arises. It holds within it a story, a story of creation: ‘Great Spirit, whilst resting in absolute totality of being, in pure awareness, gives birth to a thought: ‘how would it be if I did not know myself?’

In that moment, with the emanation of this simple thought, the world of duality, the world as we know it, came into being’.

Now I had two thought bubbles to ponder upon. They hung together in suspended animation as if the pause button had been pressed on my mind; two tiny droplets held within an even greater bubble of awareness.

Before long I realised one held solution for the other. In unison they merged to become far more than the sum of their two parts. They were yin and yang, divine mother and divine father, enjoining in sacred union that the child of infinite understanding be born to illuminate the far reaches of my mind, and the immeasurable depths of my heart…  

An Answer
I am here to experience duality and the deeper my experience, the more I sink into this realm of separation, the closer I am to the original question posed by Great Spirit. I am in immanent proximity to that first moment of creation. Experience and question unite and consciously I participate in duality, allowing myself to sink deeper and deeper into form without becoming identified with it; a wondrous alchemical transformation takes place. In the clear light of my illuminate mind, in the immeasurable depths of my heart, I am Great Spirit experiencing duality through me. This is why I am here. It really is that simple.

Key words in living this understanding are ‘experiencing’ and ‘identification’. When I am ‘the wave’, the continuous wave of infinite possibilities, I am one with Great Spirit; each moment in my life is experiencing, there is no self and no other, no union and no separation, all is just as it is: very simple and very ordinary. However, if I identify with any of these things: myself, another, an experience, memory, need, desire, physical body, even union with Great Spirit then I am back in the world of duality. I become separate and in that moment the pain in my heart returns; isolation, loneliness, physical pain, all my wants and needs become driving forces in my life.

Sweet Surrender

There is a subtle veil which transmutes one way of being into the other: it is quite simply, awareness; pure awareness. The shift in consciousness from one way of being to another is an inner process where the fire of awareness burns through destructive forces of divisive thought.

This all-consuming fire has one or two very trusted friends; courage and surrender. Without their participation awareness may as well return to its slumbers and allow the fires of passion to rule the roost. In other words unless awareness is acted upon it serves no purpose.


As I reflect upon my life I see threads of light running through it; like tiny rivulets merging with a mighty river they transform isolated aspects into one ocean of consciousness. I could have responded to the title question in a few simple words.
However, without the preceding commentary would I even have been able to reach a point of clarity, where the question could be birthed, let alone answered?

I realise life is a journey, a process, and through contemplation and review of this process the light of truth shines through the darkness of separation; disparate parts come together, the Self is complete, and the world is a better place as a result.

Through space and time have I travelled to see past and future merge into this present moment, where absolute clarity of mind is the all-embracing wisdom of my heart; the notion of ‘other’ being simply thought to transform. I see how many parts compose the labyrinth that is my small self, how isolate they are in their multiplicity, and how, within a single moment of awareness, they may dissolve into one great river of joyous simplicity; the Self.

Cultivating awareness of this ‘Self’ enables soul purpose to be made visible and when I surrender, when I step aside, all barriers dissolve. In the stillness of each moment it flows, as a steady stream, to enrich the content of my days with reverent appreciation.

As threads of light weave their way through the tapestry that is my life an image slowly begins to take form. Shimmering in vibrant, diamond clear light, against the background of my days. It is the totality of all my experiences: meetings and partings, sorrow and joy, happiness and despair, fear and love. All I have ever known in countless existences since beginning of time. It carries the heartbeat of the universe, one glorious note that echoes the entirety of existence; the vibration of absolute perfection… Om… Om… Om…

Saturday, 13 August 2011

Into the Void - from Chaos to Clarity: pt5 Synthesis

Visions of Reality
In order to bring this article to its inevitable conclusion a way must be created whereby the disparate threads above may come together as one crowning truth. The connection between Daath and Divine Darkness has already been established (see part 4) along with identification of common themes: chaos, death, disease, dark and light, alienation etc. but what of links between Daath and group initiation? What do Daath and Divine Darkness have to do with group consciousness and soul initiation?

Surely when the concept of ‘groups’ and ‘souls’ are introduced it conjures up yet more identities, albeit on a far larger scale, in terms of conscious awareness. This would certainly be true when viewed from superficial perspectives taking the literal meanings of each contrasting ‘thread’. However if we look beneath the surface to the essence, the underlying energy, flowing through each of these forces we find a glorious dance of synchronicity and union that cannot fail to be an outpouring and ultimate expression of Divine Will.

Daath is Divine Darkness; a profound space where dynamic stillness is charged with infinite potential, where all forms and identities are broken apart to be reformed in accordance with Divine Will. The womb of creation, holding and embracing everything whilst in essence being no thing; it is without doubt the most creative force in the entire universe. Its intimate connection with Divine Will cannot be disputed; the book of Genesis clearly describes the part played by both ‘void’ and ‘darkness’ in creation of heaven and earth:

“And the earth was without form, and void; and darkness was upon the face of the deep.” Genesis 1-2

The next verse continues with the outpouring of light as an expression of the Will of God, also alluding to the association of sound, the voice and the throat chakra as playing essential parts in the unfolding of this Divine Plan for creation:

“And God said, Let there be light; and there was light”
Genesis 1-3

Visions of Reality
'Family of Light'
In the light of this understanding we may turn our attention once more to the collective consciousness of the ‘clay army’ and find their whole demeanour to be in accord with the breakdown of personal identity as associated with the sphere of Daath. Still, in essence, they wait patiently for the outcome of events, timescale being unimportant, for they know transformation from darkness to light is inevitable. Their awareness is one of group consciousness; they know this sequence of events will be perpetuated over and over again as part of a continuous process of destruction and renewal. Attachment to any form, even to that of the group, is futile as its future transmutation is inevitable.

We have only to observe the cycles within our own world to find natural order in decay and renewal; changing of seasons, ebb and flow of tides, night and day, life and death, each one of these bears testament to the powerful creative forces at play even at this physical level of reality. The evolution of consciousness, through personality, soul and beyond, is no less subject to natural order than is our physical world.

Soul integration, group initiation, every plane of existence from the smallest atom to the highest vibrations of light are subject to this same universal order of divine purpose; there are no exceptions. This is the glorious dance of synchronised ubiquity linking every disparate thread within this article. Alignment with this cosmic ordering, through the service of surrender, enables the individual to evolve into ever more refined vibrations of light, the ultimate reward being complete dissolution of  self into One Limitless Light.

The End
Copyright ©Barbara Rose 2011

Thursday, 4 August 2011

To Fix, or Not to Fix? that is the Question...

... or is it? perhaps the question posed is, in fact, an answer?

It is often said that Truth is a paradox. The more diverse the apparent opposites, the closer we are to realising the ultimate nature of reality. If this is the case then maybe the posed question is indeed, an answer; the underlying 'truth' only being realised through exploring other sources of enquiry. I will, therefore, throw two more questions into the arena:

Alchemical alignment with 'Serenity'

 Question 1: How would it be if one single cell in your body thought it knew what was best for you? It then sets out to put right all it believes to be wrong, out of balance, or 'sick' within you. What effect does it have on your body as a whole?

Question 2: How would it be if one of the cells in your body knew the purpose of its existence, its function in maintaining the equilibrium of the whole, and worked in accord with that purpose? It is so happy in fulfilling its role that it radiates love and joy to all the surrounding cells. How does it feel?

We live in fairly tumultuous times where natural disasters, climate change, and horrendous acts of violence perpetuated against innocents,  fill our news screens on an almost daily basis. On the flip side, there are stories in abundance of the indomitable strength  of the human spirit, where despite atrocities and disasters, individuals and races shine through as a unified force in rebuilding all that was lost or destroyed. It seems, as fast as death and destruction are meted out with one hand, peace and unity are deployed by the other; such is the dichotomy of life in the twenty first century.

Embodying essence of 'Surprise'

However, does this bear relevance with respect to answering any of the questions posed above?

Are we as individuals, or as a race, responsible for the causation and retribution of these worldly happenings? or do we simply bear witness to the natural unfolding of creation where death and destruction are essential parts of life?

Is mother nature simply trying to balance herself as part of her own conscious evolution?

Perhaps the answer lies in accepting there may be grains of truth hidden within all these potentialities. If we accept that as individuals we are merely 'cells' within a vast cosmic entity, through which we live and move and have our being, then how can we possibly know what is best for the 'whole?' Even the wisest amongst us only hold within their awareness a fraction of the full picture.

Does it then behold us to attempt to 'fix' that which we believe to be 'sick' or 'not right' in our world?

Embodying essence of 'Growth'

An obvious answer would be that it does not. However, what if we also accept that as well as being cells within a great cosmic being, we are also that being?

Would it then give us the right to 'fix?' or would we KNOW that all is absolutely perfect just as it is, and there really is nothing to fix, heal or balance at all?

Does knowing this then abdicate us of all responsibility in taking action to sustain a healthy environment for ourselves and our world? If everything is perfect 'just as it is' then surely there is nothing for us to do, it is all part of the grand plan, and things will unfold 'just as they are meant to', with or without us 'doing' anything.

If only it was that simple! So how may we serve our fellow man, whilst being responsible stewards of our planet, without trying to fix anything according to our own belief systems?

If we reflect upon the characters of the two cells mentioned in Q1 and Q2, the mind-set they employ, and their resultant effect on the whole it is easy to see how we, as individuals, may assist or hinder our world in its evolutionary process of change. In other words, as we think so we are. We may 'do' all we can on this physical plane to aid, to 'fix', to heal that which we believe to be 'sick', but if we do not address the disharmony with our own being how can we possibly truly assist or heal anyone or anything else?

Nature's greatest gift is acceptance. It does not fix, it does not heal or attempt to change anything, it simply brings into balance that which is. In recognising that man, nature and cosmos are one and the same, in choosing to live our lives in accordance with this alignment, we serve each other and our world. The single cell in Q2, fulfils its purpose with light and joy in its heart, unconditionally giving others permission to do the same, thus creating a world where peace and harmony are foundations for life. This, it achieves through conscious awareness; it is at once the 'single cell' and the cosmic entity.

Quite simply it comes down to these well known maxims: 'man, Know Thyself', 'Physician, Heal Thyself'. When these directives are embodied, the Authentic Self is born, and the title question, 'to fix, or not to fix', really does become an answer.

Copyright ©Barbara Rose 2011. All rights reserved.

Tuesday, 2 August 2011

Into the Void - from Chaos to Clarity: pt4

These understandings have arisen through meditation and contemplation of the foregoing articles (Into the Void pts 1-3). Several aspects share common ground within each of these disparate ‘threads’: chaos, fear, death, destruction, and alienation on the one hand with contrasting themes: diamond clear radiant light, the All-seeing, All knowing ‘Eye’ etc, being at the opposing end of the spectrum. An integrating presence uniting these diverse forces lies with the witnessing consciousness evident throughout.

Stillness Speaks
'City of Light'
Aligned with 'Group Consciousness'

Group Consciousness
Understanding the meaning of a 'soul infused personality' becomes apparent when viewed from a higher perspective.

The soul has many personalities through which it may grow and evolve and I am but one. It is not my soul; I am a fragment of it.

The army of clay marionettes (see pt3) are all fragments of one soul arriving at a point of unity within their evolution. Through this amalgamation the one soul may be invited to a higher plane of consciousness; this is group initiation.

Many souls exist upon the plane of souls forming brotherhoods of even more highly evolved souls. They in turn form even larger, more expansive, refined vibrations of conscious awareness. Even the monads are many. Aspects of all these levels are accessible through the soul infused personality.

I realise the minute part I play in the grand universal plan, how I am but a fragment of one soul, and that one soul but a fragment of an even larger brotherhood of souls. I am but a single celled organism within a vast being of infinite omniscience. And yet I also see the essential part I play in the evolution of that divine plan, for am I not also this vast being? In being willing to surrender, to face death in many forms, I, as an expression of the soul, facilitate the order of group initiation.

In terms of outward pursuits; teaching, healing, working etc. in many ways it doesn’t really matter what I as a personality ‘do’ on this earth. The act of surrender perpetuated daily, moment by moment, is service in itself. It is a service that doesn’t attract any outward recognition, further enhancing the light of the soul, whilst at the same time diminishing ego reward.

In a like manner the essence of true healing and teaching are actuated. An outpouring of the One Light places the entirety of existence in a continuous arrangement of receiving. The teacher/healer in surrendering, in removing personality desires and agendas to teach, to impart, to heal, to fix, becomes a clear channel through which the light of the Divine may flow. Receptivity on the part of the student/patient enables this light to flow from one channel to the other. The only part in the process played by the personality is that of surrender; it does not teach, it does not heal, it simply gets out of the way.

‘Daath’ and Divine Darkness
Daath is a gateway. It is a space, a Great Void, which holds within it the entirety of existence. In the kabbalistic Tree of Life it is the sphere of higher knowledge, of inner knowing, where nothing is taught yet everything is known. It is without definitive paths leading to the remaining ten spheres and yet is in intimate relationship with all, including that of the highest sphere, the Divine Light of Emanation. The ways of this mysterious sphere are hidden and become visible only with the light of clear seeing. As such it may emerge, quite spontaneously, through exploration of any sphere.

Visions of Reality
'Blank Canvas'

Associated with the throat in the eastern chakra system and the Vesica Piscis (see below) in sacred geometry, it is clearly a pathway to communion, as well as an instigator of creativity; the supreme expression of which is the creation of life itself in its many and varied forms.

Daath is a doorway to anywhere and anything but in order to partake of the rich nectar held at its core the personality must take a giant leap into the great unknown. It must surrender every idea, every notion, and every belief of which it perceives itself to be, and embrace the darkness of its own nature; the antithesis of all that is safe and all that is known. This is the chaos, destruction and death experienced during dream state in the foregoing accounts.

Vesica Piscis
However this darkness, as already mentioned, is the most trusted and safest place any personality could hope to encounter, where surrender is the most natural, and indeed only, response to its benevolent presence. It is a space ‘where I may disappear and not even know I had gone’. Its true nature is divine; Divine Darkness.

Holding everything yet being nothing, it is a space of infinite stillness, infinite patience, infinite possibilities, infinite darkness that is absolute perfection. Yet this space is only arrived at through apparent chaos, destruction and death from the perspective of the ego self. There has to be an absolute let go where there is no ego, no self not even a ‘higher self’ or soul. There is nothing, absolutely nothing related to identity in any form.

And in absolute nothingness Truth may be actualised. In unconditionally embracing the dark, in allowing its mystic essence to enfold, absorb and permeate every aspect of being, the dark is transformed.

As the self gives in to its embrace, dissolving completely, it becomes the very essence of dark, and with this immersion the light spontaneously arises from within. The infinite light of Daath can only be realised through total embracing of its dark. In supreme absorption, in consummate blackness, the light emerges triumphant.

Divine darkness is a receptive state. There is nothing to fix and nothing to impart. All is absolute perfection and all is known; all is dark and all is light. But the key lies in total surrender.

Chaos, death, destruction and disease all must be embraced, with the highest reward being absolute no-thingness from which anything is possible. In letting go and embracing all, moment by moment, there is nothing for the personality to ‘do’ but to embrace, appreciate and welcome life. Simply receive. And in this receiving there is so much it is able to give... 

to be continued...
Copyright ©Barbara Rose 2011