Monday, 29 August 2011

Why am I here?

In order to answer this most elusive question I feel I must perhaps, pose another - ‘Who am I?’

Surely I must first ascertain the identity of this ‘I’ before attempting to discover its reason for being here? In ancient Atlantis the inventor of writing, Thoth the Atlantean, journeyed for aeons to the depths of his being in order to solve this mystery of mysteries. Seekers, including great teachers from all religions and walks of life, throughout time, have sought answer to this most basic enquiry. 

Now I must follow in their footsteps and journey to the far reaches of my own experience. I must probe the dark corners of my mind, swim in the murky waters of my heart, face my own worst nightmares; in short I have to ‘boldly go where no man (or woman) has gone before’. 
I will not find answers in the words of others, even from the wisest of teachers. No, my only recourse is to turn within and search through the doorways of my own existence until the light of truth emerges from my innermost being to illuminate the subject of my quest.
Mystic Union
In standing alone, naked in the thrust of self enquiry, I find there is no self and as a consequence there is no other; all is within, inside me. I don’t feel love. I don’t feel pain. I don’t feel loss or separation. I am all of these things. How can I feel that which I already am? I can only feel that which I am not.

The Question

When I turn within to explore the space from which aspects of self take form, I find there is no form. There is simply vast empty space; a space that holds the entirety of my existence, all existence. It is a giant, joyful wave that carries me from one moment to the next embracing all in its path. All my wants, desires, needs, feelings, thoughts dissolve into this vast ocean of consummate perfection.

And in a moment of profound, pure awareness a question is born, a thought-form cast from within the great void upon the mirror of my mind: ‘Why am I here?’ It hangs suspended, like a water droplet, apparently frozen in time, seeking substance until time itself releases it once more unto the void. For a while it rests within the great ocean of infinite possibilities until the next wave throws it once more onto the surface of my mind, ‘Why am I here?’ Lazy tendrils of enquiry seek dark recesses in my concrete mind for an answer, even finding some resolution, but once again I let go, the droplet having no more substance is again released; all is still.    

 ...and then another thought, larger and more substantial than before, arises. It holds within it a story, a story of creation: ‘Great Spirit, whilst resting in absolute totality of being, in pure awareness, gives birth to a thought: ‘how would it be if I did not know myself?’

In that moment, with the emanation of this simple thought, the world of duality, the world as we know it, came into being’.

Now I had two thought bubbles to ponder upon. They hung together in suspended animation as if the pause button had been pressed on my mind; two tiny droplets held within an even greater bubble of awareness.

Before long I realised one held solution for the other. In unison they merged to become far more than the sum of their two parts. They were yin and yang, divine mother and divine father, enjoining in sacred union that the child of infinite understanding be born to illuminate the far reaches of my mind, and the immeasurable depths of my heart…  

An Answer
I am here to experience duality and the deeper my experience, the more I sink into this realm of separation, the closer I am to the original question posed by Great Spirit. I am in immanent proximity to that first moment of creation. Experience and question unite and consciously I participate in duality, allowing myself to sink deeper and deeper into form without becoming identified with it; a wondrous alchemical transformation takes place. In the clear light of my illuminate mind, in the immeasurable depths of my heart, I am Great Spirit experiencing duality through me. This is why I am here. It really is that simple.

Key words in living this understanding are ‘experiencing’ and ‘identification’. When I am ‘the wave’, the continuous wave of infinite possibilities, I am one with Great Spirit; each moment in my life is experiencing, there is no self and no other, no union and no separation, all is just as it is: very simple and very ordinary. However, if I identify with any of these things: myself, another, an experience, memory, need, desire, physical body, even union with Great Spirit then I am back in the world of duality. I become separate and in that moment the pain in my heart returns; isolation, loneliness, physical pain, all my wants and needs become driving forces in my life.

Sweet Surrender

There is a subtle veil which transmutes one way of being into the other: it is quite simply, awareness; pure awareness. The shift in consciousness from one way of being to another is an inner process where the fire of awareness burns through destructive forces of divisive thought.

This all-consuming fire has one or two very trusted friends; courage and surrender. Without their participation awareness may as well return to its slumbers and allow the fires of passion to rule the roost. In other words unless awareness is acted upon it serves no purpose.


As I reflect upon my life I see threads of light running through it; like tiny rivulets merging with a mighty river they transform isolated aspects into one ocean of consciousness. I could have responded to the title question in a few simple words.
However, without the preceding commentary would I even have been able to reach a point of clarity, where the question could be birthed, let alone answered?

I realise life is a journey, a process, and through contemplation and review of this process the light of truth shines through the darkness of separation; disparate parts come together, the Self is complete, and the world is a better place as a result.

Through space and time have I travelled to see past and future merge into this present moment, where absolute clarity of mind is the all-embracing wisdom of my heart; the notion of ‘other’ being simply thought to transform. I see how many parts compose the labyrinth that is my small self, how isolate they are in their multiplicity, and how, within a single moment of awareness, they may dissolve into one great river of joyous simplicity; the Self.

Cultivating awareness of this ‘Self’ enables soul purpose to be made visible and when I surrender, when I step aside, all barriers dissolve. In the stillness of each moment it flows, as a steady stream, to enrich the content of my days with reverent appreciation.

As threads of light weave their way through the tapestry that is my life an image slowly begins to take form. Shimmering in vibrant, diamond clear light, against the background of my days. It is the totality of all my experiences: meetings and partings, sorrow and joy, happiness and despair, fear and love. All I have ever known in countless existences since beginning of time. It carries the heartbeat of the universe, one glorious note that echoes the entirety of existence; the vibration of absolute perfection… Om… Om… Om…


  1. Thank you for sharing your thoughts on what you are. You have great clarity in your expression, I enjoyed reading this :)

  2. thanks Igo900, appreciate your taking the time to read the blog, and to comment - pleased you enjoyed it.... :)